once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
