i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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