i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
