you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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