Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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