Yo dont text me then not text me
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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