we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize