I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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