I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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