dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
