This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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