i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Oh god it's open bar.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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