Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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