If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
