Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
