is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
