the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
