Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
