hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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