I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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