I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
