Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
