is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
