I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He passed out mid-signature
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
