You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
