If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you win again, gameday.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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