i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
