This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
