My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
