Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i barfeds in our rink
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize