4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
