NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
