found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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