I bet he comes in French.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
