Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
