grandma shit on top of the toilet
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
