i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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