So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
