every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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