I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
