Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
