hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Randomize
