I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
