im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
