Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
