Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he was CRYING into my vagina
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
i out mim tonsoeep
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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