I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
