If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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