Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
