I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
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I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
where are my eyebrows?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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