I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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