Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Let's get the cat blown out
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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