We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
