You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
