matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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