Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
