I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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