I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
