Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
