Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
