whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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