State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
