I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
