i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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