Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
