i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
