My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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