He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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