He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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